Sunlight

It’s about time – today is a relatively bright, sunny day outside. It is much better than what we’ve been subjected to lately. I for one am not complaining because I have to take a road trip today. My last appointment with the wound guy. I also have a form I need signed by both him and by my employer so that I can submit another claim for my car.

I’ve been out of bed and moving around now for almost 4 hours. And I feel like I can’t get out of my own way, for some reason. Maybe it is because even though the surgery countdown was restarted I’m starting to stress about the things that will happen afterward. I’ve given a lot of thought to what to expect, and the problem is that there’s no way of knowing with any sort of certainty what will happen. At this point I don’t even know where I’m going. I’m trying to not worry about that – I’m doing my best to trust – but I still can’t really help being a bit worried about the unknown.

Martha pointed out to me that if I don’t know what to expect, I get stressed. And she is right; at some level I must be a control freak because I don’t like not knowing, especially when events directly affect me. And this definitely qualifies. And I’m not worried about the procedure or the post-operative discomfort I can expect. I guess the biggest concern I have is the prospect of being immobile for 2 weeks. There is no way for me to know right now whether or not I’ll be able to get into a wheelchair and elevate my leg somehow. My strong feeling is that the doc will order me to stay in bed. If I’m right, I know I won’t like it very much. But I will find ways to keep myself occupied so I don’t go totally out of my mind. The laptop will come with me, as will a big pile of books (I’ll be updating the Shelf soon enough) and my iPod. I do have iTunes installed on my laptop so at least I’ll be able to keep the iPod charged up. Plus, the cell phone will also be coming along; as I don’t know if I’ll have Internet access in any way, at least I will be able to tether my phone as a modem to my laptop. Well – I’ll try to do that. I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll figure it out.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day; I have to go to a mandatory class in Nashua for the roll-out of the new EMS protocols. While we’re all there, we’re going to be fitted for N95 masks and we have to do a refresher class on the Corporate Integrity Agreement. Of all of these activities, the one that is most distasteful to me is the Agreement refresher. It’s not the content – that is actually really boring – but the way management handles it borders on hostile. The reason they do that is simply because if the don’t compel people to attend, they won’t. But every time something comes up with respect to this, employees are threatened with termination if they don’t go. While I personally don’t like that, I understand the reasoning behind it. And, it’s a case of doing what is necessary to ensure that the Federal Government doesn’t drop its full weight on the business.

There is another mandatory class – at least for Paramedics – that I am supposed to attend in April. All of the dates for the class offering, however, are while I’m convalescing. So I don’t know what will happen there; will I be allowed to make it up? Or will I not be allowed to be on the schedule when I’m fit to return? I don’t know, but I’m sure I will find out.

On that note, I have to get ready to leave. I’m still lounging around, but that needs to be remedied…